Downstairs
OK, I will start with the positive. This time is one hundred (100) times better than last time. Because last time Mercury cleaned me out, I was down to $200 in my account. This time, he's left me (almost) a whopping $2,000. Which, may I point out, still is not enough to cover next month's rent. Ah, paragraph of nostalgia for my simple former life in which $2,000 was riches untold! Of course, at that time, I didn't have to factor in an entrepreneurial husband who likes living Properly. The fundamental difference, as Sister Mine pointed out, is that when we (she and I), say, "We're short on money," we start digging around for some coupons to clip. When Mercury says, "We're short on money," it means he needs $30,000 by Thursday. And - the really amazing thing - he's usually able to scrounge it up. So my financial sensibilities are not only worthless to him, they're actually a hold-back. If we went to a true 50/50 arrangement, we'd be living in what the rest of America deems "very nice circumstances," what Minnesotans deem, "yah, we're doing okay," and what Mercury, child of millionaires, deems abject poverty. I have read that marriages break up over money. I certainly do see why. Mercury and I don't fight about money (often), because my attitude on this, as with so many things in our marriage, is "Fine, honey, do it your way." Over Christmas, my sister marveled, "How can you have a marriage where you just check so much of yourself at the door?" And my answer is that I've tried it the other way with a true soulmate, it didn't work out, I'm getting older, inertia is more a factor than ever, my day-to-day life is very comfortable, there is a child now, and when things are good, they are very very good. Plus, I'm getting older and lazier. "And now you're just in it," said Sister Mine, "with a child, so you're in it, and you make it work." The latest grump is that I've been taken off the law firm payroll. Which, in the abstract, is hardly something to complain about. I've been drawing a very nice salary for the last 16 months while staying at home with the Progeny and occasionally sending an email out on some HR issue. But it did me no personal favors because "my" salary is really "our" salary, of course. What's his is ours, and what's mine is ours, and in the end it's all his. Except for minor exceptions like my pedicures, clothes, and coffee, all "my" salary goes for our household expenses. And my, are those ever a lot. You know . . . I knew how this would go. I knew it from the day I met him. And now there's a kid, and I'm more trapped than ever. I could go out and get a job. That's an option. That's an option I may really have to consider. Again, the problem is that whatever I'd bring in is a mere drop in the bucket compared to Mercury's soul-shattering outlays. And, oh, I do not want to send the Progeny to full-time daycare just yet. I really do not. Besides, if the investors Mercury is courting for this school (of which I've found myself the Dean: Mercury again) work out, I will have a job. I will be the Dean, and paid as such. Wasn't really ready to go back to work, but now it's looking like my drop in the bucket is going to be a necessary drop. Because rent's gotta be paid, and utilities have gotta be paid, and I've gotta do it. Exempli gratia: in Florida, we had our electric cut off three times. This despite Mercury's bringing home upward of $300,000 per year. Mercury has a little trouble with mundane priorities. So when we moved to the Great West, I took charge of household expenses, because we cannot, with a baby to care for, come back to a cold, dark house in the middle of a western winter. Add to this that now I'm the titular Dean of this school, which means my name is on everything. So it's a point of personal honor to ensure that our faculty is timely paid. And that's where the dregs of my savings went this last time. So I guess it was a choice after all. I mean, as I've said so many times in this diary, there are always choices. Everything is a choice. Work for Mercury (pending investors) or put Progeny in daycare and get myself a job, those seem to be the choices right now. And, as a side issue, I'm wondering if I should cash out my 401(k) to pay off the Minnesota house. Because I do not, repeat, not want that to become any kind of marital asset . . . I'm sure Mercury will get us through this in his usual hard-burning way . . . but a woman always needs somewhere to go. |
7:09 a.m. - 01-13-10
Recent entries:
Sealy Writes - 04-04-18
Rewind to "Everything's Fine" - 12-25-17
What We Have So Far - 12-25-17
Lightning Crashes - 2017-12-24
Long Years in a Short Time - 09-11-13
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